What’s Russian For….

I had been without lotion for a while. Not a necessity, but it’s definitely a comfort, especially as the cold descends on us. And I’ve been meaning to get some, but it just wasn’t THAT high a priority. Well Sunday was a lazy day. We didn’t have power all the previous night through to the next afternoon. I wanted to get out of the house, so what better time to take a little jaunt to the pharmacy.

It was a lazy Sunday for them, too. Three ladies sat in the dark, but made the most of the sunlight. As per usual, when I entered the store, it was a similar reaction from them as if a baby deer walked in. They were amazed, shocked, and taken off guard, but still wanted to act as normal as possible so as not to scare me away.

In a pharmacy all of the items are locked up behind glass encasements. Baby food, toothpaste, everything. So I looked and found what I thought was lotion. It was hard to tell, because everything was in Russian. but I saw a similar container to what I usually get, and it looked like it had an aloe leaf on the picture. I mimed the question was that lotion. The one lady who took my question said no. And she came around and got me another bottle that the contents looked a lot more ‘liquidy’ than what I remember any lotion looking. I asked in a different way, “This is lotion?”, and again I got an affirmative.

So I walked up to the counter looking at the bottle suspiciously thinking, ‘This doesn’t look like lotion…. but you can’t put anything past those Russians. Maybe they came up with a different kind of consistency.’  I opened the top… it smelled good.  Okay. I squeezed some in my hand and rubbed it in…. it felt like lotion. Okay. So I was ready to purchase. It smelled really good. But ‘girl’ good.

Then another clerk comes up to me and mimes, ‘Shampoo?’ No. No, I don’t want shampoo!  She takes the bottle back. She then searches through the cabinet until she finds a small container, Nivea. I then went into advanced mime technique for extreme situations. And was 80% satisfied (it had a aluminum seal) that this was indeed lotion.

Once back home, I tried it. It doesn’t smell as good as the other bottle, but it feels like and acts like lotion. But who knows, i could be spreading acne cream all over my body.

“Mac mac Loreal yep ’cause I’m worth it
Love the way I put it on so perfect
Wipe the corners of my mouth so I work it
When I walk down the hallway they can’t say nothing
Oh oh oh my lips so luscious
The way I spice it up with the mac mac brushes
Loreal got the most watermelon crushes
That’s probably the reason all these boys got crushes.”

Lip Gloss, Lil Mama


Holla atcha boy!

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